Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They took my balls.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
