Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's blow job season.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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