sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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