look no pants
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
