the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
