She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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