i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
