That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
