Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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