dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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