Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
