return my video game
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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