Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
