oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
