what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
