The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
