i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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