I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
