I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
