Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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