i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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