you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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