you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
