I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
