I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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