i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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