Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
