I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
