my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
