Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
