I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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