I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
