how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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