So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
