Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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