Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
