Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
