I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
