When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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