In the future we'll all be gay
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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