I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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