Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
