Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
