No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize