i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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