The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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