She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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