Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
