next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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