How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
