We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
