morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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