So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
