Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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