Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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