heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
