Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
