why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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