standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Never joke about your clitoris.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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