elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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