That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
