Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
