the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
