My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
