so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
