I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
