i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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