She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
