I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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