I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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